My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
