I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
