My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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