Umm I'm too high to move.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize