I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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