He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
