So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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