sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
