I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
