I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
