he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
