gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
