i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
