Define "chronic" masturbator.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize