Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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