we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
