my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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