I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
