Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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