i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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