Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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