My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
