Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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