You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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