wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ladies don't puke and tell
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
