Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
