Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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