I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
