its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
