He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
