I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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