My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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