69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
