he thought i was a dude.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
