I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
