So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
