Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
