my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
