he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
