This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
