Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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