so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
