it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
