You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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