I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
