After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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