You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
