i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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