I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize