I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
