xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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