I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize