This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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