This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize