I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
