He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
