Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
