my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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