When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We are two peas in an std pod
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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