There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
