you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
