I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
