The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
