just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
