I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
