A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
