the condom got lost in my hair
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize