I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
