Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
