please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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