I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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