she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hippo gnu deer
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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