worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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