the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
