sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
