It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's rum buckets o'clock
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
