Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
