i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
