I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
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