my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize