I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
