I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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