The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
