Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
