You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
