why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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