my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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