How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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