look no pants
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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