If i come over, it means nothing
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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