Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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