im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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