can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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